Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
