it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
