Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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