The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
