take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
