We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dear god my vagina.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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