Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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