dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize