There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
