Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
