so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
