I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
