smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We need to get me chipped asap
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
