If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
