I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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