go do what you do best...puke behind churches
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize