LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
