drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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