he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
