i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
