i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize