My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize