Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
