i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
