Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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