just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
