when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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