i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
