The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
