it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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