im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
