K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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