I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
