I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
