Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize