Are we in a gay sports bar?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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