Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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