People in love make me want to vomit
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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