By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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