: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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