yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
