I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
