I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
