i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
