just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
