I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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