sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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