My first STD was from a foam party
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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