I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
