He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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