I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
