My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
