I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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