sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
