I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
