At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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