Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
