Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
