Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
