Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
