They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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