I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
