He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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