I puked a lego.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
