If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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