I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
