I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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