I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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