i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
