i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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