kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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