I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize